I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
