I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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