On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
