Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
