I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
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he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
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He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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