I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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