I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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