Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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