Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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