Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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