I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
