i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
