I'm going to rape someone's good day.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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