that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
