I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize