I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
