areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
