I can't breathe out the right side of my face
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Barsexuality is the new black.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
