ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
