she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
