You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
