onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
