Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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