im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
