He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
