sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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