God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
