woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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