That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
