So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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