he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
