just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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