508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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