I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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