I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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