Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
