can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
