Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
