He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
