areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize