I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
