I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
