you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
