After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
