I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
