I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
