i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
