This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
