goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
