I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
