They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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