You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
