Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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