We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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