I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
