u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
