remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
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