I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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