its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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