she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
