Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
