Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
