Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
