We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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