so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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