I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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