when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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