I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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