she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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