its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
