Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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