i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
