I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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