Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Bring me that man meat
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
