It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
