So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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