I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize