i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
