1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
