Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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