I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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